Madeline Maxine Roman on Thriving Through Adversity & Overcoming Mental Health Challenges

Photo by Elyse Mertz

Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Madeline Maxine Roman. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.

Madeline Maxine, we are so deeply grateful to you for opening up about your journey with mental health in the hops that it can help someone who might be going through something similar. Can you talk to us about your mental health journey and how you overcame or persisted despite any issues? For readers, please note this is not medical advice, we are not doctors, you should always consult professionals for advice and that this is merely one person sharing their story and experience.

It’s easy to forget that metamorphosis isn’t an automatic process from caterpillar to butterfly. In the age of same-day shipping, instant notifications, and digital advertisements that predict what you want before you even want it, it’s both easy and expected to demand speed from others and ourselves. But metamorphosis requires a gradual, disorienting, and necessary stage of melting, disintegrating, and rebuilding before you can become a new version of yourself.

My most significant mental health challenge is living with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) after surviving a violent attack. It happened during an already turbulent time in my life—graduating college with no job lined up, realizing that I was queer, and navigating new hearing difficulties. After all these life changes, I felt internally fractured, like different versions of myself were scattered across my mind at all times. I felt like I was trying to put all the pieces of myself back together, but I just couldn’t get them to match up. Mental health issues rewrote my life in ways I never expected, but it’s through time, inner work, and dance that I’ve been able to transform myself.

Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?

I’m a dancer, choreographer, and the founder and Artistic Director of my company, GRIDLOCK Dance. My goal as an artist is to stir audience members to a higher state of awareness, inviting them to look closer, investigate further, and connect more deeply with themselves through dance. As psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “what is most personal is most universal.” I navigate the world as a queer, disabled, and neurodivergent person. My complex relationships with each of these identities are often a central theme of my choreography. By diving into the depths of my own experience, I invite audience members to reflect on their own lives.

I’m currently working on a new one-woman show called Between Myself that will premiere in May 2025. Inspired by a series of near-death experiences, hilarious first dates, and childhood diary musings, Between Myself will be a deeply personal narrative exploring universal themes of resilience, self-acceptance, and the metamorphosis of becoming yourself. This upcoming performance is an exciting new challenge for me in many ways, as it involves a lot of “firsts.” It marks my first time on stage since undergoing major knee surgery last year, my first-time creating a one-woman show, my first experience writing a script, and my first significant incorporation of American Sign Language (ASL) into my choreographic vocabulary. In many ways, it feels like the first time I’m fully putting myself on stage as it involves sharing my journey of coming out, living as a hard-of-hearing person, and overcoming severe PTSD symptoms. I’ve never felt more nervous or more excited about a show than I do about Between Myself.

Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?

Reaching the point of creating a show like Between Myself has been a journey. Navigating the biggest challenges of my life has taught me that resilience doesn’t feel brave. In fact, it’s often messy, confusing, and downright painful. From this experience, the three best pieces of advice I can offer are to recognize that change takes time, to add joy into your life, and to find creative ways to express yourself.

Above all else, the process of inner change takes time—a realization that was incredibly frustrating for me. When I was a student, everything felt like a sprint. Each assignment, semester, or academic stage had a clear beginning and end. However, once I transitioned into adulthood, I quickly learned that life is more like a marathon with murky mile markers. My healing journey took years of therapy, setbacks, and eventual progress. For many, healing is not a race, but a measure of patience.

After surviving the attack, my instinct was to suppress any difficult emotions or flashbacks that came up. Frankly, that was a waste of time because it simply does not work. For me, the best thing to do is treat my difficult emotions like an ocean wave. They will have a peak, and like all things in life, they will also pass. I found that the most effective way to feel better is to focus on adding positive experiences and joy to my life, rather than denying the reality of my suffering. So, instead of suppressing your feelings, intentionally create moments of joy in your life. This way, the difficult emotions have to share more brain space with the good ones.

Lastly, I’m a bit biased as an artist myself, but I believe it’s essential to have a creative outlet. Through dance, I could inhabit the different “selves” that I felt fragmented into, giving each a voice and space to exist. Choreographing allowed me to express what I couldn’t put into words. Creativity doesn’t have to be limited to traditional forms of art. It can manifest in small ways, like taking a different route to work or rearranging your furniture. Embracing tiny acts of creativity can break you out of ruts and remind you that so many aspects of life are not fixed. They can change. You can change.

Before we go, any advice you can share with people who are feeling overwhelmed?

For me, the most important strategy is to practice acceptance. Whether you’re facing an everyday level of overwhelm or a significant mental health challenge, it’s okay to feel like you’re falling apart. That may be exactly what’s happening and what needs to happen. The painful in-between spaces, as uncomfortable as they may be, are where real growth takes place. Each day, even if you can’t see it yet, you’re adding new layers to who you’re becoming. Metamorphosis isn’t quick, and it’s certainly not easy. But when it’s time, you’ll realize that somewhere along the way, “you” evolved into someone entirely new. You’ll find your wings.